Tuesday, July 31, 2007

For Mom...

...Who doesn't like dirty words, "You're a dirty bird!" So to make up for the Paul Anka post and the hoagie post (see below) I offer you...Duhn Duhn Duhn...lolcats (further context available here).

Okay, that last one is a little different. For more like it, go visit the IMAO lolterizt category here.

Monday, July 30, 2007

The Guys Get Shirts!!!...

...That's...just..the...f***in'...way..it is!

Happy Birthday Paul!!! (language warning)

(h/t:drew commenting on this post at Ace's-look at Ace's right sidebar for Paul Anka context)

Saturday, July 28, 2007

How You Doin'?

I'm about to do a quick run around the intertubes to catch y'all up on what's shakin', but first let me throw up a link to one of my favorite Ace posts. I tried for hours searching for "don't touch my sandwich or I will f***ing kill you," but I couldn't find it. That's because he's talking about a freakin hoagie. Oh well, it's really funny and I wanted to be able to find it again so I put a link here. First, let me give you a strong content warning for much foul language, and then tell you to go here, and enjoy teh funny.

One thing that blew up this week was the whole "Scott Thomas" kerfuffle. He is now known to be a soldier in Iraq, although his integrity and honesty are greatly in doubt. He wrote some outrageous articles about alleged atrocities in Iraq, and was summarily called to account by the blogosphere. Read all about it at Hot Air (and insight into why this matters here), MM, Greyhawk at Mudville Gazette ties in the sheep/dog/wolf allegory (follow that first link at M.G. for the whole sheep dog analysis, and more Scott Thomas here), and finally blackfive has a cool picture and article.

In other news, Iraq today won the Asian Cup, defeating Saudi Arabia 1-0 in the final soccer match in Jakarta (now with extra-creamy low-fat video!).

Also, a man from Pace University faces multiple felony charges for hate crimes for placing a university library Koran (piss be upon it) into a toilet bowl. Layman's legal analysis by AllahPundit is here.

In celebrity "news," The Lindsay Saga continues to devolve, if such a thing is even possible.

Page D7: Ward Churchill finally fired (now with extra AP distortion!), helicopters crash (video here), Pat Tillman murdered? (more here), John Doe immunity bill (maybe) passes, FBI fined $100 MILLION for framing some people for murder, The latest aircraft carrier joins US forces in the Persian Gulf, Marion Ravenwood will return in Indiana Jones 4 (If you click-through on Ace's link to FoxNews, just scroll down past Madonna), Christopher Walken cooks a chicken (I'm super cereal-and also don't miss this Walken classic), and lastly, ultimate heartache.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Lindsay Fully Loaded!

LA County Sheriff's Mug Shot of Lindsay Lohan

At 2:15 AM PST, The Whore of Babylon was arrested on multiple felony charges, including DUI and possession of cocaine. Go to tmz.com for all the latest celebrity scandal info. Excerpt below:

"Lindsay Lohan was popped for possession of cocaine, driving under the influence, transporting a narcotic into a custodial facility and driving on a suspended license. Sources say her blood alcohol level was between .12 and .13, well over the .08 legal limit.

Cops tell TMZ cocaine was found in her pants pocket."
Now remember, she was just involved in another DUI on Memorial Day, where she memorably crashed into a hedge, and subsequently fled the scene. She was arrested at the hospital and cops found a "usable amount" of cocaine in the abandoned vehicle. This blogger seems to have the whole rundown on Lindsay here. In light of all of her mis-steps, and her obvious need of an intervention, I think Lindsay needs to have the book thrown at her. No couple of weeks in a suburban county jail. I'm talking two to five in a state penitentiary. That would probably knock some sense into her, and would also send a message to the legion other Hollywood skanks that enough is enough, and it's time to grow up. That is all.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Happy National Hotdog Day!

Hip-Hip-Hooray!! Lots of hotdog factoids here, via Lileks and Insty. In honor of national hot dog day, for dinner I plan to have...frozen burritos!! No, I think I will actually have a hotdog or ten instead. Yummy yummy yummy for my tummy tummy tummy!

Update: On a completely unrelated note, today also marks the 23rd anniversary since Vanessa Williams had to step down as Miss America following the revelation that nekkid pictures of hers would be appearing in a smut mag.

Friday, July 20, 2007

"Magnificent Desolation"

"That's...one..small step for (a) man,...one...giant leap...for mankind."

38 years ago today, to a worldwide television audience of millions, man first slipped the bonds of Earth, and trod on the surface of another heavenly body. American heroes would travel back again, and even take a dune buggy with them, because Americans are just that cool. Regarding that famous first quote uttered on the moon, recent research has fairly conclusively shown that he did use the word (a), which makes the quote make a whole lot more sense. That factoid, and much more, available at the wiki site here. Or also visit the official NASA 30-year anniversary page here. And look at the plaque below, even though only super-awesome Americans have ever ventured out to another celestial body, we left a greeting from all mankind. Just because we're so super-cool.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Palate Cleanser

OK, after those two posts, I think we need to stand up and shake ourselves off. All of the following courtesy of the Jawas. First, an AQI biggie in south Iraq has his house introduced to a couple of Excalibur precision artillery rounds. At the same link, the second video shows where the same guy and his buddies flee the shelled house and attempt to escape in a car. Car, meet AH-64 Apache. Car no work, baddies run to second house. Second house, meet two 500 pound bombs courtesy of our friend the F-16 Viper. Lastly, see Mr. Jihadi Sniper jogging towards his car. Oops, Mr. Jihadi Sniper dropped his hat, better go back and get it. OK now, back to the car. Yeah, I'm in my car and I'm escaping! Oh noes, car no run good when bomb lands on it!

Update: Palette/Palate, what's the difference!

Holy Hell Part 2 (unrelated)

May the fierce flaming sword of justice lay low this detestation, this beast, this animal, this plague upon humanity, all who would defend and justify him and his actions, all who would placate away our security and sovereignty, and also Geraldo Riviera for being a vicious, petty, race-baiting little stain. May the never-ending flames of hellfire consume their pathetic excuses for souls. Burn.

Holy Hell

May the Lord have mercy on their twisted souls, because I sure as hell wouldn't.

What's In The Water In Massachusetts?

Thirty-eight years ago today, a life was snuffed out by a bloviating drunkard. The people of Massachusetts have since shown overwhelming support for this lout by returning him to the U.S. Senate for decades afterword. Mary Jo Kopechne could not be reached for comment. Justice awaits him.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Saturday, July 7, 2007


Two years ago today, the vile jihadists exploded bombs in the London Underground as well as on one of the iconic double-decker buses. Wiki entry for these events is here. So far, only IMAO has posted anything about this. I'll get back to work, and do another intertube run-around this afternoon and update this post, hopefully, with some more links. Remember.

Update (4:30 PM PST): Well I'll be darned. Not. A. Blip. Nothing at Insty, nothing at HA, nothing except IMAO's link to the Wiki entry. Hmm. It is July. Today is the seventh. Oh well, I'd blame the Goracle but his coverage is relatively light too. Must just be too nice of a day outside to remember our allies sacrifices in the war against evil Muslim jihadis. Oh well, have a nice day!

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

ZOMG Teh Trainsformrs is t3h w00t4ge!!!1!

OK, so teh transormrms starts in Cater, which is a dessert in Irak. Their r all theze d00ds runing a round wtih cule gunz when teh chopter comz. Teh main guy is like "who r u," but teh chopter doesnt say anytheng. Then teh chopter is all "clicka-clicka-bzzzr-clicka" and tehn teh chopter is a BADAS robot. Then the chopter is all "i m in ur baze, killin all ur dudz!" tehn t3h chopter (witch is teh r0bot now) is all thr0wng tanks and peeple around. The gun guyz are all like "OMG WTF zerg rush kekekek!!!111!one!!" and tehn teh general is like "wha hapen?" and teh main guy is like "someone set up us teh bomb!" L0L, then teh kid gets a car (but onle ist n0t a porch but it is A ROBOT CAR) witch you no becuz the car does like majic stuff like breking all teh othre windows and tehn dreyeving bye itsefl. Tehn the kid is scraed and calz the cops, but he finds out teh car ROBOT is a gud ROBOT!!!! Tehn the chopter ROBOT guy from Cater Irak is all, "give me yore glases dork" but teh kid is like "no whey duud" and so then a cop car is their to take the glases but the cop car is a nuther bad ROBOT and teh kids car (withc is named BOMBLEB) cums to cik the bad cop ROBOTS but and teh kid and his grilfrind escape (who is teh hawt!!1!!! ZOMG!) then bombleb and teh kid and teh grilfrind go in an ale rode and tehn OMG tehre is a BIG ASS cimi truck. But guss wot, it is no cimi truck it is teh king of al teh rOBOTs!@!! I hve a piixture of teh KIng ROBOT!!!

I M TEH H4XXOR!!!1!!

LOL, tahts OPTIMIS PRIME who is teh king of all teh ROBOTS!@!! (all teh good ROBOTS) tehn all teh good ROBOTS (tehre is teh BWM and teh pikup truk and teh otehr good ROBOTS) and teh kid wint to huver damn in los vaygis wehre tehre is teh cube witch is teh ALLS PARK witch is wot teh bad ROBOTS wont to take ovir teh univirse and turn all teh Irth mashines into bad ROBOTS (like cellfones (wetch teh grilfrind had done) or stireos (witch was 9on teh Prisedents of Amricas plane) and otehr mashines). Tehn teh bad ROBOT withc is frozin insyd huver damn (who is MEGATRON) gits luse (cuz the stireo ROBOT turnd of teh ise mashine) and tehn teh bad king ROBOT (witch is MEFATRON) and teh otehr bad ROBOTS (whitch tehre is teh jet, and teh chopter frum Cater Dessert in IRak, and teh TANK (ZOMG taht tank is teh roxxort!!) abnd tehn all teh rOBOTS (teh good ROBOTS and teh bad ROBOTS) r al fiting in teh strete in los vaygis wehn teh kid hsa to take teh ALLS PARK (teh cube of deth!!!1!) to t3h rufe ov a bilding weth stachoos and tehn teh king ROBOT (who is teh OPTIMIS PRIOME!) and teh bad ROBOT (who is teh MEGATRON) are fiting and teh kid has to put teh cube (witch is teh ALLS PARK) nto teh cimi truk ROBOT butt nsted he puts it nto teh bad ROBOT and teh bad ROBOT is ded now. Tehn tehre is one gud ROBOT who is ded, but al teh bad ROBOTS r ded and OPTIMUS PRime is sed "we like homans and we wil sta her to hilp teh homans" and teh BOMBLEB (who is teh kidz car but who is teh ROBOT) staz wtith teh kid and teh roBOTS stand undr a trea and say "all gud ROBOTS cum to Irth and we will wate her for u!!!1!" and tehn the grilfrind (who OMGZ is teh hawt!!!) and teh kid kis. and teh knig OPTIMIS PRIM sez "tehre homans is moor tehn meats teh i" (witch is wot teh theem song or wordz of teh trainsfromers are and tehn the moovi is ovr but it snot ovr yet becuz when teh credets go it goz bak to teh moovi and teh kids parints are all like "i dont no wot u r tockin abowt becuz tehre r no aline ROBOTS or teh Pridsident wood tell us." and tehn the movi is rilly ovr.

So OMG wehn I saw TEH TRAINSFROMERS i was like w00t!11! cuz teh trainsformsers are teh haxxor and thes moovi is teh haxxor and i wil wactch it agian becus I thot it RULZ!!!11!!!one!! also I wil by teh dvd win tehre is teh dvd of teh trainsformers. so I give teh TRAINSFROMRES one bilion milion thums up and iven som gold stars. I luv teh trainsfromers@!@!!!!!!!!

A Blog Roundup Of The News

So you all probably know already about the car bombs in London and Glasgow. Did you know about the Scottish baggage handler John Smeaton who fought a blazin' jihadi who was "on fleemes?" Another great video clip at Hot Air. John's got a wiki entry, as well as a tribute site. Some select quotes of his (from Wiki):

"You’re no hitting the Polis mate, there's nae chance... So I ran straight towards the guy, we're all trying to get a kick-in at him, take a boot to subdue the guy... That's just Glasgow; we'll set about ye."
He also had a brother in arms, the cabby who broke his ankle kicking a jihadi in the balls. And Ace wonders why the MSM isn't mentioning the obvious (mild content warning-one MF-word). Great stuff!

In other news, Haray Caray mans a post in Iraq, providing some much needed humor to a serious situation, Allahpundit brings us news of creative and brave Apache pilots, more jihadi 'unrest' at the Red Mosque in Islamabad with the latest developments from ABC here, Alan Johnston is freed from/by his kidnappers, an end to an "appalling" affair, Farfour has passed, Iowahawk has the scoop (content warning) of all scoops in the UK bombing department, and IMAO has the anti-jihadi photoshop caption contest. That should do it for now, I'm off to Transformers baby!

Happy Birthday America!

Today is the birthday of the greatest nation ever to grace the face of planet Earth. Probably any other planet as well, but I don't personally know for sure. Be sure to check out the 4th of July coverage at Hot Air (includes bomb-making tips!), Ace has teh funny (it's safe mom!), Slublog posting at Ace's has the full Declaration of Independence, Michelle of course brings the sober and mature birthday message, via MM, Mrs. Greyhawk has a letter from a military father at Mudville Gazette (Kleenex alert), Good Lt. at TJR has the moving video tribute post (double Kleenex alert on that second video), Rachel Lucas reminds us that dogs don't like fireworks (strong PG warning for one use of A word and a Son of a B-However, if you wander around the rest of her site, don't be surprised to find some very salty language, that's why I heart her), Frank J's daily Fred! Thompson fact is very lol worthy (but not quite roflmao), Powerline has a pair of presidential posts (first and second), and lastly, Cox & Forkum have the signature cartoon along with some excellent Declaration Of Independence links. Enjoy!

I Love Ted Nugent...

...In a totally hetero, non-ghey, totally admiring kind of way. Read this piece he just wrote for Opinion Journal. I find it rather disheartening that in the space of one generation, we went from the Greatest Generation (known for valor, sacrifice, and literally saving Western Civilization from the jaws of tyranny), to the Least Generation (known for their ego-centric, cowardly self (and world) destroying complete lack of all morals). This cohort, that so bravely railed against 'The Man' in the 60's, has now turned into the very personification of evil they supposedly hated in their youth. The generation of Hilary and Jf'nK, their storied accomplishments seared, seared I say, into their memories, are nothing but useless sacks of waste. The ultimate conclusion to their failed policies and actions:

"A quick study of social statistics before and after the 1960s is quite telling. The rising rates of divorce, high school drop outs, drug use, abortion, sexual diseases and crime, not to mention the exponential expansion of government and taxes, is dramatic. The "if it feels good, do it" lifestyle born of the 1960s has proved to be destructive and deadly."

Yeah, "destructive and deadly," I think that about sums it up. Let's keep our fingers crossed that Generation-X winds up being a little bit more responsible.

Update: I should clarify this comment I made in the post:

"The generation of Hilary and Jf'nK, their storied accomplishments seared, seared I say, into their memories, are nothing but useless sacks of waste."

Since I refer to the entire generation, this should obviously exclude any relation of mine who is a Republican or a pro-America Bluedog Democrat, especially if they are allegedly responsible for my existence!

[h/t Good Lt. at The Jawa Report]

You Know What's Awesome?

Waking up at 4 in the morning because your body is saying "You shouldn't have had under-reheated pizza for dinner and then promptly fallen asleep on the couch. I do not like you." Then you get up and tell your body "OK, fine, you suck." Then you realize that today is TRANSFORMERS DAY and you get so excited that you can't get back to sleep. Oh well, Transformers movie review to follow. I'll check show times, go to the first Transformers showing, and also see any other decent movies that are out. I will then post the most coolest review you have ever read (I already have a gimmick planned). Yay!

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

No Words

No words exist to adequately describe the situation in the small Iraqi village of al-Hamira on the outskirts of Baqubah. Michael Yon, in this dispatch, expertly does the best he humanly can to describe a truly vile and inhuman situation. I have the same thought I had in this earlier post of mine. See also Hot Air's coverage here. Apparently the MSM doesn't really want to talk about this, as Yon surmises in his follow-up.

The Simpsons

Well, I guess you should go here and vote for Springfield Oregon to be the 'official' Springfield of The Simpsons and for it to play host to the premier of this summer's greatest animated feature starring yellow cartoon characters. Remember, however, that nothing good has ever come out of the Eugene-Springfield metro area. It is a lawless and soulless den of iniquity that will surely be smited one day by The Lord. It is a communistic enclave that dwells in the heart of Oregon like a rotten, festering cancer. It is a town devoid of all knowledge and wisdom, and certainly drained of all moral character. While some may pray for all of Lane County to some day be swallowed up by the Earth, I think that that would be a far more terrible occurrence. This blight would surely effect the Earth's core, and then Hilary Swank would have to drive a tunneling machine to save the world. Nothing good can come of this. Also, The Simpsons kind of sucks these days, but it would be kind of cool to have an official movie premier in Oregon. So vote. Or not.

Monday, July 2, 2007

How To...

...Fill an office bathroom with Ping Pong balls!

First, measure the volume of the bathroom (width x length x height) and subtract out any volume for cabinets etc., unless you will be filling them as well. 1 ping pong ball has an exact volume of 33.51 cubic centimeters (or 2.04 cubic inches), based on the formula for spherical volume of V=(pi x diameter cubed) / 6. Next, assume an effective sphere density of 0.74048 based on the Hales' proof of the Kepler conjecture. Therefore, assuming the effective size of the bathroom is 10' x 12' x 8' tall (or 120" x 144" x 96"=1,658,880 cubic inches) we divide the bathroom volume by the ping pong ball volume to arrive at 813,176 ideal ping pong balls. Factoring in for the sphere packing density, we will need 602,140 Ping Pong balls.

Next, the cheapest price for Ping Pong balls was found at Rebecca's Online Catalog, where they can be purchased for $10.15 per gross (144) for more than 20 gross. However, they are non-standard and 1.5 inches in diameter. A quick re-calculation will show that we now need 695,114 of these slightly smaller Ping Pong balls. At the best price of $10.15 per gross, we will need 4,828 gross (for a remainder of 118 extra Ping Pong balls). This will cost $49,004.20 (not including any taxes and shipping). Per Rebecca's Catalog, the shipping weight of one gross is 3.48 pounds. Our order comes to 16,801.44 pounds. Assuming that they will ship in individual boxes of 144 (i.e.-4,828 3 1/2 pound boxes), an approximate UPS charge for ground freight would be $19,939.64 (based on shipping from Euless, TX to Gresham, OR=UPS zone 7 to 2, at $4.13 for a 3.48 pound box). Therefore, our total Ping Pong ball cost will be $68,943.84.

Now we need to figure out how to put the Ping Pong balls into the bathroom. Assuming the goal is maximum quantity of Ping Pong balls filling the finite volume of the bathroom, then the balls will obviously need to be packed loose (as opposed to staying in the boxes) to get as close as possible to the theoretical maximum density of 0.74048. To actually fill the bathroom, you will need an electric leaf blower, about 10 feet of drainage pipe, and around 3 feet of 1-1/2" Schedule 40PVC pipe. You will also need a 6 inch wide board that is about 6 inches shorter than the door, a 6 inch by 6 inch piece of mesh (window screen or similar), a funnel, some duct tape, and probably a helper.

Now for the fun. We'll assume (because it's a lot easier), that the door opens into the bathroom. Wedge the board into the door opening, leaving a 6 inch gap up at the top. Duct tape the screen onto the end of the drain pipe, and cut out an opening for the pipe. Tape the screen/pipe assembly to the top of the board. Cut a small hole in the side of the drain pipe just big enough for the PVC pipe to fit into (flush-DO NOT protrude PVC pipe into drain pipe). Next tape the funnel onto the end of the PVC pipe, and the leaf blower onto the end of the drain pipe. Turn on the leaf blower. If everything is sealed tight, you should have flow through the PVC pipe and into the drain pipe, thanks to the Venturi Effect. Now, just dump the 695,114 Ping Pong balls (not all at once) into the funnel and watch as they blast into the bathroom! Eventually, the bathroom will be full and you will be able to disassemble your contraption and close the door. Great laughs for the first person who really has to use the bathroom! Since there was about a 6 inch (blocked) opening in the door, there should be enough 'slack' to slightly push the door ajar and allow the Ping Pong balls to slowly cascade out the narrow opening. While the shipping weight of our balls is almost 8 1/2 tons, the closest value I could find online was 1 gram for a ping pong ball (which sounds about right). Therefore, the room will be full of 1,532.5 pounds of Ping Pong balls. Yay!