Oh Hell Yeah!

Alrighty then, this post is definitely not for the faint-hearted so you may want to go elsewhere. You have been warned!



This is your last chance!


Note: For best results click on each and every one of the links in this post (including those ones up there^^^). I know there's a lot of them! [Also turn on your speakers!]


Okey-Dokey. The opening act was a group called In This Moment whose lead singer, Maria Brink, could only be described as a naughty cross between a naughty Miss Muffet and a naughty schoolgirl. Very naughty, and loud! She was constantly coming very close to unloosing her vast tracts of land in a wardrobe malfunction, but not close enough, drat the luck. Anyway, whether due to the acoustics of the Rose Garden, or my position relative to the stage and speakers (about 100 feet away kitty corner to front right of stage as you look at it), or poor sound control, or merely poor singing ability, everything wound up sounding like a cat being strangled. This isn't of course to mean that I didn't like it, just that I couldn't understand a word that was sung. By the way, this sound phenomenon affected all three singers (although least of all Zombie) so it probably was just a glitch. Either that or the dull high-pitched ringing in my ears means that I may not have been a very scientifically accurate evaluator of the sound scheme. So they sang a few songs and then it was the first intermission and stage change-over. Then came...

The Prince Of Darkness!

So this was definitely my favorite act of the night, it was totally cool to be able to see Zombie live in concert! What can I say, his show had it all! Go-go dancers, fire, dancing cheerleaders, explosions, hot dancing chicks, giant mutant robot man, sexy hot chick dancers, weird samurai-armor covered drummer guys, and I think I recall seeing a couple of dancing girls. Also boobies. Lots of boobies on the video monitors (where they were playing messed up footage from old horror movies, some of Zombie's movies, and other weird and messed up stuff). Next up...

Leviathan, the Dragon, Prince of This World!

So Ozzy is of course the godfather of all that is heavy metal. That being said, he is getting rather long in the tooth in my humble and most respectful opinion, and should perhaps leave the touring for the next generation. I can't help but think of the "Grandpa" character in this movie, eventually they will be forced to roll out his embalmed corpse a la Lenin and just roll tape. Probably the coolest part of Ozzy's act is that he was somehow able to get the Ancient Norse god of Thunder, Thor, to play lead guitar for him. That was definitely very cool. Sadly, and I suppose not too surprisingly, I found that Ozzy doesn't (or can't) perform any Sabbath songs when he's touring solo, heart-ache. Oh well. Oh yeah, very importantly, they were filming Ozzy's act (either for a DVD or just to play on the many video monitors), and of course they were able to somehow find a couple (approximately one googolplex) of the aforementioned boobies to put on film and up onto the giant video displays. Lone boobies, pairs of boobies, boobies being man-handled by their owners, boobies being man-handled by others, and many more other boobie related activities that would be better relegated to Bill O's next investigative report.

Overall, I have to say the night's festivities were much fun. I was able to get a mild contact high off of the generous amounts of doobage wafting through the air, there were very many "sweet young things" running around the Rose Garden in various states of intoxication, giddiness, and general all-around sluttiness, and of course the omnipresent burnt out old hippies (who are definitely old enough to have grand, if not great-grand, kids). Great fun was had by all, and tonight's joie de vivre-ness has caused me to make up my mind to move to Portland next spring/summer. I can't wait!

Exit Question: How many times did I use the word "definitely" in this post?

Exit Answer: Definitely too many!