"How About A Nice Game Of Chess?"

"A strange game. The only winning move is not to play."

Well, are you ready for Global Thermonuclear War? I know I am. I've got the water bottles packed up, the survival kit rigged for rapid evacuation, and lots and lots of ammo. Bring. It. On!

So, if you haven't seen the news, you're probably wondering what the heck I'm talking about. Oh nothing much really, just the recent assassination of Benazir Bhutto, former PM of Pakistan and assumed future PM (in a unity government with President Musharraf) after next month's scheduled elections. So of course, nuclear armed Pakistan is now going through the first spasms of rage following the assassination. Overheard on Fox News this morning, Pakistan is believed (with high confidence level) to have 100+ nuclear weapons, which are in the control of the military. Twenty percent of the military is made up of Pashtuns. Pashtuns are historically sympathetic with the cause of the Taliban. The Taliban is not nice. If the Pashtun portion of the military (or of course, the ISI) is able to get their hands on even one nuclear weapon during the confusion and chaos of the next few days (at least), and if they hand it off to the Taliban/Al Qaeda, then it isn't really very hard at all to see what will happen next. Let me paint you one possible picture...

Since Israel is closer to Pakistan then the U.S., and since there are no oceans between the two, and since there are several 'friendly' countries between the two (Pakistan to Iran to Kurdistan [the only hard part] to Syria to Israel) then it is highly probable that the bomb would go off in Israel. Flash. Tel Aviv just evaporated. Israel responds. Islamabad, Karachi, Hyderabad, Quetta and Rawalpindi were just destroyed. Remaining elements of the Pakistani military, even if they were not the original parties to seize and transfer the first nuclear bomb, respond in kind, either against Israel, against US forces in Iraq, Afghanistan, or elsewhere in the Gulf region, or even more likely perhaps, against India. The conflict spreads as India and Pakistan trade nukes. Israel, in a last ditch effort to prevent complete and total devastation, launches all of it's remaining nukes at Tehran, Riyadh, Jedda, Mecca, Damascus, and any other targets of opportunity that it can reach. The greater middle east, and certainly the entire 'muslim world' descends into complete and intractable mayhem. Riots, civil wars and cross-border wars set in as the world slides into the events of World War III (or IV). The United States, Russia, and China square off against each other in a three-way battle for survival as they defend their own interests in the region. Russia, while heavily nuclear armed, and certainly a grave threat, would not ultimately be the greatest foe before us. No, that would be China. Also nuclear armed, with an ever expanding military, and a history of spying (that news just broke today, via Insty), hacking, and other non-friendly acts against the U.S. And so it begins...

So there's your happy thought for the day. Carry on.

Update: Charles Johnson at LGF linked this open letter from Scott Ott (of Scrappleface fame) to the leaders of Europe. Read the whole thing.

All I Want For Christmas...

...Is for it to be 2010. Great news.

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

Developing...

I'm Thankful For...

...My parents, of course. Without them I obviously wouldn't be here to be thankful for anything!

I'm thankful for a big brother who taught me the meaning of cool.

I'm thankful for a big little sister who puts Giada to shame.

I'm thankful for a little little sister who can kick your butt!

I'm thankful for the United States Constitution that allows me to say "Hillary is a lesbian!" and to own as many of these as I want.

I'm thankful for the brave men and women of the United States Armed Forces that protect these rights on my behalf.

I'm thankful, of course, for so much more. What are you thankful for?

Ooh, Scary Accurate Quiz!

Okay, so I was at the InstaPuppyBlender's site this morning where I saw this post. An interesting article at National Review Online about anti-Southerner prejudice in New England, but what was most interesting is the quiz that the article's author, David Freddoso, linked to. You yourself can go take the (very short-13 question) quiz here, and then come back and tell the world your results in the comments. Happy fun time!

Oh Hell Yeah!

Alrighty then, this post is definitely not for the faint-hearted so you may want to go elsewhere. You have been warned!



This is your last chance!


Note: For best results click on each and every one of the links in this post (including those ones up there^^^). I know there's a lot of them! [Also turn on your speakers!]


Okey-Dokey. The opening act was a group called In This Moment whose lead singer, Maria Brink, could only be described as a naughty cross between a naughty Miss Muffet and a naughty schoolgirl. Very naughty, and loud! She was constantly coming very close to unloosing her vast tracts of land in a wardrobe malfunction, but not close enough, drat the luck. Anyway, whether due to the acoustics of the Rose Garden, or my position relative to the stage and speakers (about 100 feet away kitty corner to front right of stage as you look at it), or poor sound control, or merely poor singing ability, everything wound up sounding like a cat being strangled. This isn't of course to mean that I didn't like it, just that I couldn't understand a word that was sung. By the way, this sound phenomenon affected all three singers (although least of all Zombie) so it probably was just a glitch. Either that or the dull high-pitched ringing in my ears means that I may not have been a very scientifically accurate evaluator of the sound scheme. So they sang a few songs and then it was the first intermission and stage change-over. Then came...

The Prince Of Darkness!

So this was definitely my favorite act of the night, it was totally cool to be able to see Zombie live in concert! What can I say, his show had it all! Go-go dancers, fire, dancing cheerleaders, explosions, hot dancing chicks, giant mutant robot man, sexy hot chick dancers, weird samurai-armor covered drummer guys, and I think I recall seeing a couple of dancing girls. Also boobies. Lots of boobies on the video monitors (where they were playing messed up footage from old horror movies, some of Zombie's movies, and other weird and messed up stuff). Next up...

Leviathan, the Dragon, Prince of This World!

So Ozzy is of course the godfather of all that is heavy metal. That being said, he is getting rather long in the tooth in my humble and most respectful opinion, and should perhaps leave the touring for the next generation. I can't help but think of the "Grandpa" character in this movie, eventually they will be forced to roll out his embalmed corpse a la Lenin and just roll tape. Probably the coolest part of Ozzy's act is that he was somehow able to get the Ancient Norse god of Thunder, Thor, to play lead guitar for him. That was definitely very cool. Sadly, and I suppose not too surprisingly, I found that Ozzy doesn't (or can't) perform any Sabbath songs when he's touring solo, heart-ache. Oh well. Oh yeah, very importantly, they were filming Ozzy's act (either for a DVD or just to play on the many video monitors), and of course they were able to somehow find a couple (approximately one googolplex) of the aforementioned boobies to put on film and up onto the giant video displays. Lone boobies, pairs of boobies, boobies being man-handled by their owners, boobies being man-handled by others, and many more other boobie related activities that would be better relegated to Bill O's next investigative report.

Overall, I have to say the night's festivities were much fun. I was able to get a mild contact high off of the generous amounts of doobage wafting through the air, there were very many "sweet young things" running around the Rose Garden in various states of intoxication, giddiness, and general all-around sluttiness, and of course the omnipresent burnt out old hippies (who are definitely old enough to have grand, if not great-grand, kids). Great fun was had by all, and tonight's joie de vivre-ness has caused me to make up my mind to move to Portland next spring/summer. I can't wait!

Exit Question: How many times did I use the word "definitely" in this post?

Exit Answer: Definitely too many!

What The Hell Is A Gallbladder?

Apparently my sister (not this one, but this one) is having her gallbladder removed this week. This prompted me to ask myself; what the hell is a gallbladder? Do I have a gallbladder? If her's is being removed, does she (or any of us) really need it in the first place? I found the answers to all these questions at the gallbladder wikipedia page here. First some knowledge, then a really gross picture for you!

1-The gallbladder is pear shaped (like this).
2-It is connected to the liver and the duodenum (not real, made up body part) by the biliary tract.
3-It stores about 50 ml (2.5 gallons) of bile to be used in digestion.
4-The following is a direct quote:

The cystic duct connects the gallbladder to the common hepatic duct to form the
common bile duct.
The common bile duct then joins the pancreatic duct, and
enters through the hepatopancreatic ampulla at the major duodenal papilla.

5-I'm pretty sure that the hepatopancreatic ampulla and the major duodenal papilla are both also made up (fake) body parts.
6-The bile produced by the gallbladder is used to digest fat.
7-If you do not have a gallbladder, it would lead me to believe you would not have bile.
8-If you do not have bile, it would lead me to believe you could not digest fat.
9-If you can not digest fat, it would lead me to believe you could not eat this.
10-That makes me sad.


And now...COVER YOUR EYES....Here is a picture!



That's really gross. If I've got one of those, I'm going to see about getting it taken out. Nasty!

UPDATE: Important flash alert! The big-little (not the little-little) sis has survived with flying colors! She claims that the source of the problem (gallstones) was:

In reference to your blog, it was in fact a burger and fries...from the Everett street bistro in the Pearl (strawberry mountain beef burger with bacon avacado lemon aioli lettuce tomato on a fresh baked bun and homemade fries deep fried with whole garlic cloves) absolutely delicious!

Also, it sounds like she recovered nicely, and I am also apparently wrong regarding the required diet for someone with no gallbladder. To wit:

Other than that once I recover I am supposed to be able to get back to a normal life and diet. We will see, I don't think I'll be eating a burger and fries anytime soon!

With that being said, I hereby selflessly volunteer to assume all of my big-little sister's hamburger and fry eating duties until such time she is comfortable resuming them herself. God Bless America! And God Bless Science!

I Have Arrived?

Wow, just wow. As some of you have probably noticed, Instapundit will occasionally link to a scholarly article on something called SSRN. Google reveals that SSRN is the Social Science Research Network, with "Tomorrow's Research Today." That's probably a pretty handy thing to have, although I would rather have "Tomorrow's Stock Picks Today." Anyway, today the good professor put up a post regarding the ssrn articles. Apparently some readers were confused by the process, as I initially was. The first time I followed a link, expecting to find an article or paper, I was confused to find download buttons. When I clicked on one, it asked if I wanted to save or open the file. Scary! So I never went back because teh intratubes are a fearsome place where some unsuspecting traveller can inadvertently download some nasty super-virus onto his work computer. Long story short, after today's prompting I successfully downloaded a pdf, read it, and sent an email to the Instameister relaying my experience in this grand experiment. Later in the day, as I was strolling through the internet, I came across the original post. And what did I find but my quote, published right there on the front page of Algore's Internet for all to see! Here is the relevant part of Glenn's post:

And reader Tom Paine (real name? who knows?) emails: "I just downloaded (for the
first time) one of your papers (Bork confirmation) from ssrn with no
difficulties. I was leery of downloading them before, but maybe now I'll
download more articles in the future. Thanks for all your work."

Thanks, Tom.

So I guess it's safe to say that I have now arrived. The excitement of the day has also prompted me to resume my blogging duties which I have sadly allowed to lapse in recent weeks. Stand by for much furious blogging-fu from the Insapundit Quoted Thomas Paine^TM!

PS-Thomas Paine is really my sooper-sekrit internet name, I'm just one of many Davids.

ZOMG Teh Trainsformrs is t3h w00t4ge!!!1! [repost]

[Reposted on honor of DVD release-plus added photo of hawt grilfreind!!1!]

OK, so teh transormrms starts in Cater, which is a dessert in Irak. Their r all theze d00ds runing a round wtih cule gunz when teh chopter comz. Teh main guy is like "who r u," but teh chopter doesnt say anytheng. Then teh chopter is all "clicka-clicka-bzzzr-clicka" and tehn teh chopter is a BADAS robot. Then the chopter is all "i m in ur baze, killin all ur dudz!" tehn t3h chopter (witch is teh r0bot now) is all thr0wng tanks and peeple around. The gun guyz are all like "OMG WTF zerg rush kekekek!!!111!one!!" and tehn teh general is like "wha hapen?" and teh main guy is like "someone set up us teh bomb!" L0L, then teh kid gets a car (but onle ist n0t a porch but it is A ROBOT CAR) witch you no becuz the car does like majic stuff like breking all teh othre windows and tehn dreyeving bye itsefl. Tehn the kid is scraed and calz the cops, but he finds out teh car ROBOT is a gud ROBOT!!!! Tehn the chopter ROBOT guy from Cater Irak is all, "give me yore glases dork" but teh kid is like "no whey duud" and so then a cop car is their to take the glases but the cop car is a nuther bad ROBOT and teh kids car (withc is named BOMBLEB) cums to cik the bad cop ROBOTS but and teh kid and his grilfrind escape (who is teh hawt!!1!!! ZOMG!)

Teh (HAWT) Grilfreind who is ficksing teh BombleB car Butt tahts befoire they new it was teh Bombleb trainsformer ROBOT car!!1!

then bombleb and teh kid and teh grilfrind go in an ale rode and tehn OMG tehre is a BIG ASS cimi truck. But guss wot, it is no cimi truck it is teh king of al teh rOBOTs!@!! I hve a piixture of teh KIng ROBOT!!!

I M TEH H4XXOR!!!1!!

LOL, tahts OPTIMIS PRIME who is teh king of all teh ROBOTS!@!! (all teh good ROBOTS) tehn all teh good ROBOTS (tehre is teh BWM and teh pikup truk and teh otehr good ROBOTS) and teh kid wint to huver damn in los vaygis wehre tehre is teh cube witch is teh ALLS PARK witch is wot teh bad ROBOTS wont to take ovir teh univirse and turn all teh Irth mashines into bad ROBOTS (like cellfones (wetch teh grilfrind had done) or stireos (witch was 9on teh Prisedents of Amricas plane) and otehr mashines). Tehn teh bad ROBOT withc is frozin insyd huver damn (who is MEGATRON) gits luse (cuz the stireo ROBOT turnd of teh ise mashine) and tehn teh bad king ROBOT (witch is MEFATRON) and teh otehr bad ROBOTS (whitch tehre is teh jet, and teh chopter frum Cater Dessert in IRak, and teh TANK (ZOMG taht tank is teh roxxort!!) abnd tehn all teh rOBOTS (teh good ROBOTS and teh bad ROBOTS) r al fiting in teh strete in los vaygis wehn teh kid hsa to take teh ALLS PARK (teh cube of deth!!!1!) to t3h rufe ov a bilding weth stachoos and tehn teh king ROBOT (who is teh OPTIMIS PRIOME!) and teh bad ROBOT (who is teh MEGATRON) are fiting and teh kid has to put teh cube (witch is teh ALLS PARK) nto teh cimi truk ROBOT butt nsted he puts it nto teh bad ROBOT and teh bad ROBOT is ded now. Tehn tehre is one gud ROBOT who is ded, but al teh bad ROBOTS r ded and OPTIMUS PRime is sed "we like homans and we wil sta her to hilp teh homans" and teh BOMBLEB (who is teh kidz car but who is teh ROBOT) staz wtith teh kid and teh roBOTS stand undr a trea and say "all gud ROBOTS cum to Irth and we will wate her for u!!!1!" and tehn the grilfrind (who OMGZ is teh hawt!!!) and teh kid kis. and teh knig OPTIMIS PRIM sez "tehre homans is moor tehn meats teh i" (witch is wot teh theem song or wordz of teh trainsfromers are and tehn the moovi is ovr but it snot ovr yet becuz when teh credets go it goz bak to teh moovi and teh kids parints are all like "i dont no wot u r tockin abowt becuz tehre r no aline ROBOTS or teh Pridsident wood tell us." and tehn the movi is rilly ovr.

So OMG wehn I saw TEH TRAINSFROMERS i was like w00t!11! cuz teh trainsformsers are teh haxxor and thes moovi is teh haxxor and i wil wactch it agian becus I thot it RULZ!!!11!!!one!! also I wil by teh dvd win tehre is teh dvd of teh trainsformers. so I give teh TRAINSFROMRES one bilion milion thums up and iven som gold stars. I luv teh trainsfromers@!@!!!!!!!!

[IMPORTANT UPDATE]: If you read all the way to this point and are just rolling your eyes at a "humor" concept that went stale a few years ago, and really feel the need to let me know your opinion, then feel free to hit the comment button. I haven't ever had the need to delete a comment here (because I have no readership) so your comment will probably last forever. If, however, you are at all curious about my opinion of someone like you, then just go here where Rachel much more eloquently expresses an opinion much like mine. :) (please disregard semi-ironic and OLD use of emoticon)