I Love Ted Nugent...

...In a totally hetero, non-ghey, totally admiring kind of way. Read this piece he just wrote for Opinion Journal. I find it rather disheartening that in the space of one generation, we went from the Greatest Generation (known for valor, sacrifice, and literally saving Western Civilization from the jaws of tyranny), to the Least Generation (known for their ego-centric, cowardly self (and world) destroying complete lack of all morals). This cohort, that so bravely railed against 'The Man' in the 60's, has now turned into the very personification of evil they supposedly hated in their youth. The generation of Hilary and Jf'nK, their storied accomplishments seared, seared I say, into their memories, are nothing but useless sacks of waste. The ultimate conclusion to their failed policies and actions:

"A quick study of social statistics before and after the 1960s is quite telling. The rising rates of divorce, high school drop outs, drug use, abortion, sexual diseases and crime, not to mention the exponential expansion of government and taxes, is dramatic. The "if it feels good, do it" lifestyle born of the 1960s has proved to be destructive and deadly."

Yeah, "destructive and deadly," I think that about sums it up. Let's keep our fingers crossed that Generation-X winds up being a little bit more responsible.

Update: I should clarify this comment I made in the post:

"The generation of Hilary and Jf'nK, their storied accomplishments seared, seared I say, into their memories, are nothing but useless sacks of waste."

Since I refer to the entire generation, this should obviously exclude any relation of mine who is a Republican or a pro-America Bluedog Democrat, especially if they are allegedly responsible for my existence!

[h/t Good Lt. at The Jawa Report]

You Know What's Awesome?

Waking up at 4 in the morning because your body is saying "You shouldn't have had under-reheated pizza for dinner and then promptly fallen asleep on the couch. I do not like you." Then you get up and tell your body "OK, fine, you suck." Then you realize that today is TRANSFORMERS DAY and you get so excited that you can't get back to sleep. Oh well, Transformers movie review to follow. I'll check show times, go to the first Transformers showing, and also see any other decent movies that are out. I will then post the most coolest review you have ever read (I already have a gimmick planned). Yay!

No Words

No words exist to adequately describe the situation in the small Iraqi village of al-Hamira on the outskirts of Baqubah. Michael Yon, in this dispatch, expertly does the best he humanly can to describe a truly vile and inhuman situation. I have the same thought I had in this earlier post of mine. See also Hot Air's coverage here. Apparently the MSM doesn't really want to talk about this, as Yon surmises in his follow-up.

The Simpsons

Well, I guess you should go here and vote for Springfield Oregon to be the 'official' Springfield of The Simpsons and for it to play host to the premier of this summer's greatest animated feature starring yellow cartoon characters. Remember, however, that nothing good has ever come out of the Eugene-Springfield metro area. It is a lawless and soulless den of iniquity that will surely be smited one day by The Lord. It is a communistic enclave that dwells in the heart of Oregon like a rotten, festering cancer. It is a town devoid of all knowledge and wisdom, and certainly drained of all moral character. While some may pray for all of Lane County to some day be swallowed up by the Earth, I think that that would be a far more terrible occurrence. This blight would surely effect the Earth's core, and then Hilary Swank would have to drive a tunneling machine to save the world. Nothing good can come of this. Also, The Simpsons kind of sucks these days, but it would be kind of cool to have an official movie premier in Oregon. So vote. Or not.

How To...

...Fill an office bathroom with Ping Pong balls!

First, measure the volume of the bathroom (width x length x height) and subtract out any volume for cabinets etc., unless you will be filling them as well. 1 ping pong ball has an exact volume of 33.51 cubic centimeters (or 2.04 cubic inches), based on the formula for spherical volume of V=(pi x diameter cubed) / 6. Next, assume an effective sphere density of 0.74048 based on the Hales' proof of the Kepler conjecture. Therefore, assuming the effective size of the bathroom is 10' x 12' x 8' tall (or 120" x 144" x 96"=1,658,880 cubic inches) we divide the bathroom volume by the ping pong ball volume to arrive at 813,176 ideal ping pong balls. Factoring in for the sphere packing density, we will need 602,140 Ping Pong balls.

Next, the cheapest price for Ping Pong balls was found at Rebecca's Online Catalog, where they can be purchased for $10.15 per gross (144) for more than 20 gross. However, they are non-standard and 1.5 inches in diameter. A quick re-calculation will show that we now need 695,114 of these slightly smaller Ping Pong balls. At the best price of $10.15 per gross, we will need 4,828 gross (for a remainder of 118 extra Ping Pong balls). This will cost $49,004.20 (not including any taxes and shipping). Per Rebecca's Catalog, the shipping weight of one gross is 3.48 pounds. Our order comes to 16,801.44 pounds. Assuming that they will ship in individual boxes of 144 (i.e.-4,828 3 1/2 pound boxes), an approximate UPS charge for ground freight would be $19,939.64 (based on shipping from Euless, TX to Gresham, OR=UPS zone 7 to 2, at $4.13 for a 3.48 pound box). Therefore, our total Ping Pong ball cost will be $68,943.84.

Now we need to figure out how to put the Ping Pong balls into the bathroom. Assuming the goal is maximum quantity of Ping Pong balls filling the finite volume of the bathroom, then the balls will obviously need to be packed loose (as opposed to staying in the boxes) to get as close as possible to the theoretical maximum density of 0.74048. To actually fill the bathroom, you will need an electric leaf blower, about 10 feet of drainage pipe, and around 3 feet of 1-1/2" Schedule 40PVC pipe. You will also need a 6 inch wide board that is about 6 inches shorter than the door, a 6 inch by 6 inch piece of mesh (window screen or similar), a funnel, some duct tape, and probably a helper.

Now for the fun. We'll assume (because it's a lot easier), that the door opens into the bathroom. Wedge the board into the door opening, leaving a 6 inch gap up at the top. Duct tape the screen onto the end of the drain pipe, and cut out an opening for the pipe. Tape the screen/pipe assembly to the top of the board. Cut a small hole in the side of the drain pipe just big enough for the PVC pipe to fit into (flush-DO NOT protrude PVC pipe into drain pipe). Next tape the funnel onto the end of the PVC pipe, and the leaf blower onto the end of the drain pipe. Turn on the leaf blower. If everything is sealed tight, you should have flow through the PVC pipe and into the drain pipe, thanks to the Venturi Effect. Now, just dump the 695,114 Ping Pong balls (not all at once) into the funnel and watch as they blast into the bathroom! Eventually, the bathroom will be full and you will be able to disassemble your contraption and close the door. Great laughs for the first person who really has to use the bathroom! Since there was about a 6 inch (blocked) opening in the door, there should be enough 'slack' to slightly push the door ajar and allow the Ping Pong balls to slowly cascade out the narrow opening. While the shipping weight of our balls is almost 8 1/2 tons, the closest value I could find online was 1 gram for a ping pong ball (which sounds about right). Therefore, the room will be full of 1,532.5 pounds of Ping Pong balls. Yay!

The World Welcomes...

Lauryn Elizabeth [redacted], born some time today (around noon-time). Other important events that occurred on this day in history? On June 20th, 1975, JAWS premiered. I think this bodes well for baby Lauryn's future. Follows is the email from Loretta, the paternal grandmother:

As you know, the baby has arrived. Lauryn Elizabeth [redacted] (I believe the
first name is spelled correctly, but not certain of the middle name spelling.)
at 6 lbs. 14 oz, 19.5 inches long. Born this morning. Dark hair. (for now
anyway) Very nice.

Unfortunately, my camera didn't function
properly on the photo of the entire family, and rather than send something that
didn't come out right, I will send you the one with Michael and the baby and one
of the baby alone, so you can at least see how sweet she is. I'm sure there
will be others of the family coming in the next few days. Until then, I can
say they all looked beautiful and happy, though a little tired so soon
after.

Loretta (the paternal grandmother-ed.)

Pictured below is the bro-in-law Mike with the new addition to the family. Yay!

Three Word Solution...

...For this is simply "complete" and "total" "eradication." They are not terrorists, they are not barbarians, they are not thugs. They are animals. PURE. AND. SIMPLE. Like a pack of wild rabid dogs loose in your hometown, every single last one of them must be hunted down and destroyed. Spare not a single one. Wipe them from the face of the Earth. Destroy all memory of them. Eradicate every last sign that they ever existed. They will not be stopped. They will not be reasoned with. They will not change. KILL THEM ALL!

Mega Movie Madness

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!

DANGER!!!!!!

So I watched a couple movies yesterday, and thought I'd give y'all a review of them.

Ocean's 13: Had all the standard Ocean's gags and double-crosses, but still not really as good as the first two, and also didn't have Mrs. Michael Douglas in it. Wait for video, if even then. "I liked it." (barely)

Knocked Up: Hilarious movie from the guy who brought you The 40 Year Old Virgin. Like 40-YOV, Knocked Up is on it's surface a typical teenage boy comedy. Full of anatomy jokes, pot smoking, juvenile behavior, and lots and lots of swear words. I think that this is an excellent tactic by the director, rope in a huge audience and then give them something to think about under the radar. Just like 40-YOV showed the final success of a mature "old-fashioned" relationship, Knocked Up espouses some decidedly conservative values. During the first visit to the OB-GYN, we see an ultrasound of the fetus at 8 weeks, and the doctor points out the heartbeat (which apparently starts at 5 weeks). To show the progression of time in the film, they show a NOVA like close up of the baby, with it's developing arms and legs, etc, with a title card that gives it's age in weeks. Early on, the mother decides to keep the baby and the stoner/loser father must decide whether or not to grow up and be a part of the process. While not saying really anything of an anti-abortion tack, I feel the movie is decidedly pro-life, and includes the core conservative belief of individual responsibility. An excellent movie, if slightly colorful at moments. "I loved it."
Update: Kathryn Jean Lopez, I think, misses a critical point with her review of Knocked Up on NRO. She closes her review with:

"Maybe I’m getting old, but it seems to me that the
Wedding-Crashers-40-Year-Old-Virgin crass-blockbuster fun has been had. While
I’m all for redeeming messages (keep the baby, love the child, take some
responsibility for your life) reaching us where we’re at, if this is where the
culture is — 23-year-olds filling gas masks with marijuana smoke — is it really
an excessively laughing matter? (And I say this as someone on record as excessively
tolerant.) With vagina shots and jokes and a bit of a celebration of
loserism, Knocked Up ultimately allows its beautiful aspects to be overpowered
by its disturbing ones. It isn’t a likable-loser crude comedy. It’s a
this-genre-may-have-just-hit-rock-bottom comedy."

While this is her opinion, and therefore "true," I think the point I made earlier is still valid. I really wouldn't recommend this to an ultra-conservative 70 year old blue blooded matron, but then again, such a person clearly isn't the target demographic. If this movie's raunchiness and crude humor appeals to teenagers and twenty-something slackers, I say great. Maybe just a few of them will leave the theater with a "pro-life" thought wedged deep within their pot addled mind. Something to hope for anyway.

Rise of The Silver Surfer: Just crap. Unless you have a very serious crush on Jessica Alba (who is sporting those creepy blue eye contacts), or have a ridiculously low tolerance for movies, definitely skip it, or wait for video. Just kind of lame. "Didn't like it."

Mr. Brooks: A really good and creepy movie with the Mariner. As an aside, this is one of the few films where I think Kevin Costner is a good actor. In my opinion, he can really only play whitebread middle America characters (Field of Dreams, The Bodyguard, A Perfect World, etc.) and when he actually has to act, we get things like Waterworld and Robin Hood: Prince of Crap. That said, this is a great portrayal of a serial killer, living and killing in Portland Ore, who travels down a never before seen path. At least, it's a story arc I don't recall ever seeing. I don't want to give too much away, so just go watch it! "I loved it."

Next Up: Transformers! Transformers! Transformers!!!1!!